Audition Day plus one

So here i am on a sunday morning on Johor Bahru. Home. Shattered dreams. No more super host coz i didn't make it. After i saw the three red cards went up on me my body just automatically wanted to follow thru the motion. i said thank you politely and left. I didn't even want to stay around not because that i feel embarrass but more of i need to just do something else to keep myself from blaming myself.

So i was walking blindly and blankly for a while in orchard. Inside my bag lies a fully filled up application form and ten dollars which i have not paid up for for the application. Is this a consolation for me ? Is this what depict the "Sun" card that i drew from my tarot deck in the morning ? If i try to rationalized at that moment i guess it can be. But now i think it may just be true as my mind do not have to be bothered by all the factors that i have been bothered anymore. things like whether hosting, or limelight will be a good gamble for me. for now at least i am not bothered by this hosting event. but i feel that i will explore other ways to live my life to the fullest. perhaps i am better off not being on television because i will be disliked. perhaps i am more suited for shows in other formats like live shows or live hosting in smaller events etc etc. in short i think it is just much better than hanging me there and knowing that i will be axed for my not up to standard looks and body size.

I went to the Asian Civilisation Museum after a long long walk, because i went to the wrong museum (singapore history museum). It was the last two days of which the exhibits from the Vatican City would be displayed there. After i smuggled myself in without paying i was awed by the quality of the exihibit. After all the good museums that i have visited in the states , finally a decent museum in Singapore. Finally. So i am delighted.

I went thru the rounds. Finding myself lost in the world of history. Somehow i felt in touch with myself again. I sat down in the bench in the vatican room of display beside a portrait probably more than 500 years old. I was thinking that that was a very special thing. A room full of people looking and staring at the old artefacts firstly not knowing their background but trying to look as if they understand it. Old and new people from many walks some are even transversites. The picture is 500 year old yet it looked so stunning. We the lookers are less than a decade old yet so shagged and frail. I looked at the chair that one of the older popes has sat on and used before. I wonder what was around this chair back then. What did the chair see and what did it hear. I saw a chip on the chair and i wonder was it the pope who accidentally chipped it.

Suddenly i felt one piece again.

I walked out of the museum and got a phone call from my impatient girl friend who wants to see me impatiently. So i impatiently walked to the MR T and found her folded handedly waiting for me. I felt many pieces again.