Looking nothing

Senses. Hear. See. Things that affect us. No senses no reaction. Smell and touch.

Things.. nothing is stagnant so this fluid reacts in a bowl call earth.

We are all so different. Mingle. Leading us to uniformity. We copy each other. We talk like each other. Eventually think like each other.

I am looking into something which i would want to be nothing. Clearing owning nothing wanting nothing. So i will be void of emotions for a while and then fill my brains up again.

Repeat this cycle forever till the day i move on as another form of self? When one gets nothing out of change one wants no change.

Jaded comes from trying and failed. Knowing that nothing will change even actions are done.

We keep reviving hope after hope. Can we not suscribe to such thoughts?

I already can't figure out this state of being. In the quest of finding meaning. why am i on such quest? Will finding no meaning be a better quest.

Perhaps i need a very very big thing to happen in my life to topple my mind. So i can rebuild it again. Then i can spend another 10-20 years to build it well into my old age.

Do i make sense to you? I am sure I don't.