Speaking of which

Speaking of which i dun like to speak these days anymore.

I cannot sort out myself yet . So its seems hollow for me to speak. Somehow.

i am truly wasting time living and breathing now actually. for the past 3 months i have been unhappy in my setting.

wayout ? logically is change from within .

easy way out for the moment is to run away . because i cannot agree anymore with this way of living.

will see how it goes. i need to maintain a somewhat easier life. but i am unsure again on whether to do a Wheeler or not. Revolutionary road or Wear-volutionary .

tired.

Collection of things

Collect.

What a word. Collect something.

I recently collected some soccer trading cards. I think i found that i am a perfectionist somehow. Or perhaps just down right greedy. When i start to collect i want the WHOLE damn set .

So just like collecting stamp. or maybe photos. or whatever that matters to u .

our life is like collection. somethings u like to collect somethings you dun like. and somethings somewhere in between . you collect a bit here and there.

our obsession are call passion. our inobsession is call dislike.

i used to like to collect stamps when i was younger. then i went on to collect poker cards till now. and then now i am collecting soccer cards. these are physical stuffs.

then mentally i collect good moments. proud moments. and discard bad moments.

mentally i collect bad experience to build for better future experience.

but mentally it changes. the new set of rules i have .. decides what each experience means to me.

so somehow i am walking the line. and this line... where do i draw the starting and ending point ?
and is an ending point really there or not there? without any knowing of these...it becomes futile to put meaning to life somehow as a whole. Perhaps that why people always say living for the moment. the present is the best present.

how can it be ? and how ? something that i have yet to really feel it for myself here in the life i have now. working in a meaningless job but earning somewhat so call meaningful money that i can spend.

so what sense does this or should this make to me ?

i need a bungee jump to feel it again. i lost the ability to feel. Again.

Meaning of life

Sometimes i think. How can a person who lost his meaning of life start himself in getting one back .

I think it is really easier said than done. Especially for a "smart" person. Maybe he has figured that it is impossibe to reconvince himself out of the misery or perhaps meaningless-ness of life. Maybe it is impossible to make him see the beauty of life ( if any ).

Its just difficult.

This teaches us that we should not de-minute what other see as difficult. Perhaps to that person it is really difficult.

so anyway ... there is no meaning to life. i start to cannot be bothered. and yet then bothered by seemingly unimportant things. Things that i cannot let go .

which is somewhat stupid.

perhaps i truly need time to recharge.

I am challenged yet again by the atrocities of life. somehow.

Blogging what ?

I find it extremely hard to blog these days. Perhaps I am getting tired of presenting different mindsets all the time. There is no constant. Only impermanence. Sometimes we get tired of every changing thoughts. But sometimes we find such changing thoughts interesting and makes our life less boring.

You may say something now and later on ( shortly after ) you say a different thing. That's how short your memory is and shows how imperfect our human mind is in retaining a so call standard. The so call hard and fast rule is never existence because humans are nutured biasly. We have an every changing bias. It allows us to be regularly inconsistent.

Theory of Randomness rules in this sense.

So what's what. How's how ? Who's who ? It will all become a tire and bore if you want to figure them out.

Everything is right as long as you allow that matter or person to be right. When they are right, they have nothing to say. That's the best way out. Because it doesn't mean anything if you deem you are right. Because you are right only to yourself. If you allow yourself to be wrong, the rest are right. And when the rest of the world is right. The world around you becomes slightly more peaceful. And you can sit back and appreciate that this peacefulness is the fruitation of your mindset. The mindest of letting others to be right.

You cannot sell this "righteousness" but you can give it away easily. The peace that comes along to you, people cannot buy as well.

We are merely a speck in a bigger scale of things. It's also true that we can choose the path of self centred-ness where we are the centre of the world. You will feel and experience more ups and downs. but you will be worned out faster than those who just sit back and relax by watching you and your self inflicted drama happening over and over again

Enough for Today.