I think i have lost the ability to feel happy.
I have been thinking about why so and how to eliminate my unhappiness.
I do not know how to start to convince myself again that I can be happy and should be .
It all started with my job. I am tired of the job nature and also the busy job load. Its impossible to finish it.
My solution is to get another job but again in about 2 years time i may be tired of it again. But good thing is that it will revive me for another 2 years.
The other solution is to accept what my job is for now and be happy. The question is how.
So we can start with adjusting our perspective within. Which i think i should try.
Staying at my job for 8 hours a day does not help. It frustrates me to the core. I am not zen and peaceful at all at work.
I hope that i will get killed somehow by a freak accident. Or win a big lottery. Or perhaps suddenly feel enlightened. So that i do not have to live with this job that is draining me now.
sigh.. this is the end of the world. i need a long long long break from this.
The older i get the more i know happiness is hard to attain. It is true. Because we start to see more of our surroundings and our sufferings. And the more we try to help ourselves the more we find that will fail us. Religion fails. Ideas fails. Theory fails. Nothing seems to be the final answer.
sick.
hate this.
