Why do i need a Plasma/LCD TV

Actually i do not need one. I have a 29 inch CRT ( Cathode Ray Tube) TV functioning well at home. So essentially if i am adpoting the " you only need when it is spoilt" mind set , i really do not need it at all.

But guess i am really just weak. I need it to feel good. I dream about watching nice DVDs with it. And also watching soccer games with it. But really. just to spend 2-3 thousand on a TV is really hard on the pocket. Not that i am earning millions.

So i think i will have to hold on to this thought and hopefully i hold tight enough for me to stffle it !

I am slowly becoming like my parents. The beginning of losing touch with society. It will be like internet to my parents. HD, wifi , wi max, etc etc.. it will come to a point when it will be alien to the me who is moving towards middle age.

Being a boss

I think it is always difficult being a boss. Seemingly you have to put in long hours just because you have soo much to do. And also you have so much power to do something and everyone comes to you for a disposal or decision.

My boss talked me about something i think is quite funny recently. She chatted with me about putting in a rigid schedule so she would know when are people coming in to work. And at the same time claimed that she has been a very flexible person in terms of the work timing.

I almost rolled my eye ball because I think it was really shotting blanks. I didnt thnk there was any issues about her concerns on schedules and PUNCTUALITY. i think it was more of her being too remote from the teams. Really a sense of false impression. Making it looked bad on us/me .

But i guess this is totally inevitable. Somehow sometime somewhere we are bound to get such bloopers. Thats why being a boss is difficult in its way. Being boss you try to talk about things that is under your jusrisdiction but yet somethng that you are not expert in. Very dangerous and not something easy to manage all the time. You may get lucky once with your people but not all the time.

Oh well I am tired. Guess i will have to give it my best to stay ok at work till more man power comes back. For now i am just taking it one thing at one time and by the way ... my boss loves it when we take it one thing at one time. And YET she wants things done. gosh... it sucks.

I can feel my fat breathing

My fats are breathing. They are rolling on my tummy. Folding into itself.

They are just accumulating. They make me need to breath heavier. So i can see them breathing. Caught them breathing.

Hi Fats... can you go away ?

Hey you. wakeup you idea Mr Yen. Fat is Fat. Blocked artery will still be blocked.

When you pass out. You will finally say bye bye to your fats. It will not breath wit you anymore.

Me and my body

I am losing the feel of myself. Feeling the me in my body.

Slowly these two separate . My body is my body. Myself is my self. Self, scientifically it is zero matter.Spiritually it is so call soul. But it is just a point awareness call self.

So my body is my body. Matter scientifically. But Nothing spiritually.

Did tiredness make me feel this way or just a good progress in my awareness.

Perhaps i am just too caught up with stuff. I shouldnt . perhaps truly it is just tiredness. Nothing to do with holy self awareness. I am no where near.

The best attack

Lets run thru the list of best attacks.

What was your best attacks on people.

1) Silence
2) Kindness
3) Forgiveness

Cliche ? But they are really too effective.

When you dont speak you set people thinking.

When you return kindness to evilness. Evilness Dwells in Anger. You win.

Forgive means you are one up. The other is one down at least. You forgive because you are right and the other is wrong. So you are one up.

These are best attacks.

Never defend own self.

Not to cover up
Not to be evil
Not to revenge

You end up being attacked.

Heroes

I am watching Heroes the american sitcom . It features many human with super power. Interestingly i dream about them and seems to think that i am amongst them. I dream that they are my friends. but why would i be so engrossed?

Is it that i feel like i needed the powers?

Or just a call to do a change for my life. needing some stimulant to perk up whatever that is left of me now. So non-chalant. So couldnt be bothered.

I enjoy it. the show i mean. Rotting at home with the seemingly interesting things i feed myself.

Sit com DVDs. Shower me with automating my life. Cruise thru and die.

Whats next ? Reborn ?

For this fact that i am curious, i am starting to not fear death.

What is real

Too busy to feel these days
To feel that i am tired
To feel that i have not got enough rest
To feel that i am breathing

Just like being pushed thru a queue
Your legs just follow
No questions No Complains
No problem as it is almost painless

So I have stop to feel
Numb to feeling
Insensitive

I did almost ten days without watching the news
I didnt symphatise the china earthquake victims
I didnt care about the weather
But i enjoyed my 20 mins of wheel of fortune this morning

I am fed by things that were all set in my environment
Automatic. I am that one cell who falls nicely into the stream of things
I do but i switch off

I switch off for a while.
i think my body is dwindling
my mind unnourished
unzealed

The real me seems somewhere already
or where is it
what is it like to feel the realness

or perhaps realness takes so many form and each second is a new form of real

I am unmoved. non chalant. at one with these feelings.